


Four Christmases That Totally Sucked (And One That Kind of Didn't)

by SecretMaker



Series: Tumblr Drabbles 2015 [141]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Christmas Sadness, M/M, Mentioned Major Character Death, Multi, so very Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 21:56:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5514716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretMaker/pseuds/SecretMaker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So this was originally going to be four individual fics, but my word processor crashed and I only had like 900 words survive. So I scraped together what I could and added on a little and here's the result.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Four Christmases That Totally Sucked (And One That Kind of Didn't)

**Author's Note:**

> So this was originally going to be four individual fics, but my word processor crashed and I only had like 900 words survive. So I scraped together what I could and added on a little and here's the result.

12-23-15  
Prompt: Four Christmases That Totally Sucked (and One That Kind of Didn’t)  
Pairing: Multiple  
Rating: G  
  
Things had been getting better over the past few months. With Suga and Hinata and Tanaka all offering him their support, Yuu was starting to get back into things. Midway through October he had managed to sleep in his own bed. A couple of weeks ago he and Tanaka had gone out to see that movie that they had been so excited for when the first previews first aired. Last Tuesday Yuu had made it all the way through his hot chocolate at the cafe by the corner without crying. Every few days it seemed there was another success, another reason for Suga to give him that proud smile.   
  
It was getting better, but that didn’t mean it was all okay.  
  
Yuu let himself into his empty apartment two days before Christmas and had to immediately fight down the wall of emotion. The apartment was bare and cluttered, hardly maintained anymore, and worst of all, there wasn’t a trace of its usual festiveness. The holidays had been Yuu’s favorite time of year, before-  
  
Before.  
  
Suga had suggested he try. “You should at least put up a tree,” he had said that morning over coffee and horribly sweet Western pastries. “He wouldn’t have wanted you to spend this time of year in a dark room.”  
  
Yuu could admit that he was right about that. But there was a problem. Asahi had always, always picked out the tree. Yuu’s family hadn’t been big on Christmas, so when they had moved in together most of their traditions were carried over from the Azumanes. Yuu had gone to the lot where a man had set up rows and rows of pines to pick from, where Asahi and Yuu had gotten into a snowball fight the year before and almost gotten themselves kicked out for good. Yuu had almost gone in to pick. But as he stood across the street from the gate, all he could see was flashing lights and a splash of red on asphalt, all he could hear was squealing tires and the ringing in his ears from where his head had hit the sidewalk. All he could think of was Asahi and a mangled bumper both lying where Yuu had been standing just before.  
  
He had turned and walked home without a tree.  
  
And now he stood in his apartment that would stay empty, toeing off his shoes in a genkan that only contained the one pair, walking to the kitchen and brewing one cup of tea. He sat alone on his couch and watched the light fade from his windows. When it was gone, he stood and stripped off his shirt and jeans before curling up in his empty bed.  
  
Things were getting better.  
  
Really.  
  
  
-~-  
  
Tetsurou knew exactly why he had done it. Daichi had looked at him nervously and mumbled out a little speech about how he was the only person he could think of who he would want next to him, and that had been it. Tetsurou would always bend to Daichi’s every whim. Still, as he straightened Daichi’s tie and his boutonniere while they stood at the front of the church, he wished he had been just a little stronger. Canned music filtered in through the little chapel and Daichi perked up adorably.  
  
There were no ring bearers or flower girls or bridesmaids or any of the other things that would have fit in this otherwise Western ceremony. Just Yamaguchi leading the way before the music shifted and Sugawara entered the room.  
  
He looked gorgeous, because of course he did. His hair was combed soft and fluffy in a silver halo around his perfect, pale face. There was a light, pretty blush high on his defined cheeks and an awed sparkle in his eye. He stared at Daichi and Daichi stared back at him, and even Tetsurou had to admit it.  They were perfect for each other.  
  
Tetsurou stood by Daichi’s side as he said his vows, binding himself together with Sugawara for life. And Tetsurou knew that it would indeed be for life; if anyone would take something like “’till death do us part” seriously, it was Sawamura Daichi. He and Sugawara would be together until they were wrinkly old men, that much was certain. And they would be happy. So Tetsurou did his part. He stood next to Daichi, he made a sappy speech at the reception, he danced with Bokuto and Akaashi and Hinata’s little sister and everyone else he could get his arms around. He didn’t even drink himself blind while he watched Sugawara lean up on his toes and whisper something into Daichi’s ear, snickering when it turned bright red in response. He saw the couple off into their taxi to the airport, making sure their bags were in the trunk and their passports and plane tickets were in Daichi’s jacket pocket. He returned to the party and made sure everyone had a great night - a beautiful wedding and a magical Christmas Eve.  
  
And when it was over he left the reception hall and returned to his apartment. He pulled out the battered notebook filled with love letters dated from high school up until fourteen months ago. He pulled out a pen and started a new page.  
  
 _Sawamura,_  
  
 _Congratulations. You married him today. You didn’t stop smiling from the moment he walked into that church to the moment you followed him into the car. You’re probably still smiling now._  
  
 _So you’re happy. And I guess that’s all that matters._  
  
 _-Kuroo_  
  
-~-  
  
Kei saw it. The furrowed brows, the lower lip that was always bitten raw, the way those eyes would turn too bright before they averted. He saw it all, and he knew what it meant. But he couldn’t bring himself to stop.  
  
“What are you getting so worked up for, King? Having trouble keeping your subjects in line?” He kept his voice cold and sarcastic, just like always. He kept his face smoothed into a sneer and lifted high in the air, just like always. And he watched the flash of pain cross Kageyama’s face, just like always.  
  
“Hey, Tsukishima, leave him alone!” Hinata shouted, bouncing up into Kei’s personal space. “I thought we were all here for a friendly game. Why do you always have to pick on him?”  
  
 _Because someone has to._  
  
 _Because no one can be as good as him without being hurt._  
  
 _Because I can’t stand the thought of what it would mean to be nice to him._  
  
 _Because he can’t ever know._  
  
“Buzz off, short stuff,” Kei said instead, waving a hand vaguely toward Hinata as though swatting at a fly. “The grown-ups are talking.”  
  
Kei listened to Hinata’s predictable response and let himself get swept up in the fight. He had to. He had no choice.  
  
Because if he admitted to himself that it killed him every time he saw how much his words hurt Kageyama, he would never recover.  
  
Still, Kei couldn’t bring himself to let it go without one final concession. He had picked out the frame with more care than he would ever admit, a silver one that would be plain enough to fit Kageyama’s blunt personality, but that was nice enough to have clearly cost some money. He printed out his favorite picture, the failed group photo of the Karasuno Boys’ Volleyball Club from years ago where Tanaka had cracked a joke right before the flash went off. They were all smiling in this one, even Kei and Kageyama. He slipped it into place with utmost care and waited until the room was empty and everyone was out staring up at the falling snow to hide it in Kageyama’s bag.  
  
 _Merry Christmas, Kageyama, from your entire family._  
  
When he joined the others on the court he made sure to call Kageyama out on a shit toss, watching tears gather in Kageyama’s eyes before he blinked, and they were gone.  
  
-~-  
  
“I’m not good enough for you.”  
  
“You’d be happier with someone else.”  
  
“You deserve better than me.”  
  
“You should just leave.”  
  
Shouyou heard the words almost every day, it seemed, but he never listened to them. They were just Kenma being insecure, after all, nothing that couldn’t be fixed with enough time and affection. It wasn’t like Kenma’s insecurities were founded, after all. So when the words started up again on Christmas Eve, Shouyou didn’t pay them any more mind than usual. He sat cross-legged on the bed with Kenma’s head in his lap, stroking through his hair softly. He listened to each and every self-loathing comment, barely absorbing them. If he let them process fully, he knew they would only break his heart, chipping away at it until there was nothing left but cracks and pain.   
  
The boy in his arms trembled violently. There was nothing new about that, and that almost scared Shouyou more. Then came the sobs, the quiet shrieks when there were no more words to explain how deeply the perceived inequality ran, slowly growing quieter and quieter, until there was nothing left. Only when Kenma fell silent did Shouyou speak.  
  
“Kenma, you are the most incredible person I know,” he murmured. “I know it’s hard to see sometimes, but I really do think that. I’m not going anywhere, because there’s nowhere else I want to be.” Kenma didn’t say anything to that, so Shouyou figured he had gotten through. At least for tonight. He stayed with Kenma while the tears dried and night fell and sleep took him away to dreams of the day when Kenma no longer doubted himself, and they could be together as true equals.  
  
He woke early the next morning, like he always did on Christmas. Excited, he turned to rouse Kenma with a grin, only to find his side of the bed empty and cold.  
  
-~-  
  
Hitoka sat with her feet curled under her, watching the team. Annual Christmas parties had evidently been something that Suga and Noya had teamed up to start the year before she had joined the team, but you wouldn’t know it looking at them now. They were all crowded in Kiyoko’s house, making far too much noise for the hour and not caring a bit. It was decorated from top to bottom in lights and tinsel, mistletoe hanging from every doorway. It was a source of constant amusement watching which people tried to avoid the plant and which lingered just a little too long, a little too much hope in their eyes.   
  
It was bittersweet, though. Hitoka could see it in some of their eyes, the way this year had been even harder than most.   
  
Noya was here alone, though they had all known he would be. He had managed to smile a few times, but Hitoka could see how tenuous his hold was.  
  
Hinata was alone as well, and that was a surprise. He looked lost, following Ennoshita around, then Kageyama, then Tanaka, his usual companion nowhere to be found.  
  
Tsukishima kept shooting glances at Kageyama, something tight and cold in his face, but that was nothing new.   
  
Suga and Daichi were both gone, on their honeymoon. Hitoka had expected Daichi’s best man to be there, along with some of the other rowdy and terrifying ex-Nekoma players, but they were missing too.   
  
A heavy weight settled over Hitoka and she watched her hands curled together on her lap.  
  
“Yachi-san?” Hitoka looked up sharply to see Yamaguchi smiling at her, something sad in her eyes. He settled in beside her and looked over the room as well. “You see it too, don’t you?” he asked. “Nothing seems right this year.”   
  
He reached out, taking one of her hands in his own, the movement automatic and clearly without thought. The weight shifted, feeling much lighter on her shoulders, and she smiled.  
  
“Well, some things do,” she said, squeezing his hand. He smiled without looking at her and squeezed back.  
  
“Yeah, some things do,” he agreed.

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](http://notsuchasecret.tumblr.com)


End file.
